Home / 오피니언
아버지-고 박현제-를 보내드리며
딸 박진아(Jinah) 드림
- 캐나다 한국일보 편집팀 (public@koreatimes.net)
- Jan 20 2025 03:17 PM
고 박현제씨와 딸 진아씨. 박진아씨 제공
(한국 및 캐나다 언론인 출신 고 박현제 선생은 지난 7일 향년 81세로 별세했다. 그의 아내 숙현씨는 10여년 전 치매로 먼저 떠났다.)
벌써 아버지가 보고싶어요.
아빠는 자전거, 스케이트는 못 탔지만 최고였어요.
"나는 네가 자랑스럽다. 착하게 지내라." 아버지가 항상 생일과 성탄카드에 쓴 문구였다.
우리 세 자매는 초등학교 시절 거대한 우주와 세계 지도를 들여다보며 아버지로부터 은하수 설명을 들었다. 그때부터 우리는 세상의 큰 것은 모두 은하수로 표현했고, 가족 간에 "널 사랑해"라고 말할 때마다 “은하수만큼"이라고 답변했다.
할아버지는 아버지가 어렸을 때 자식이 너무 귀중해서 자전거도 못 타게 하고 수영도 못하게 막았다. 하지만 아버지는 내게 핫핑크색 자전거를 사주고 타는 법을 가르쳐 주셨다. 이론으로만 알고 가르치는 자전거 교습이었다.
우리는 때때로 토론토시청 광장 스케이트장에 갔다. 아버지는 스케이트를 탈줄 몰랐지만 우리가 쌩쌩 달리는 것을 보고는 스케이트를 빌렸다. 다소 창피를 느꼈을 텐데도 스케이트를 신고 넘어지지 않으려고 애쓰면서 주변을 천천히 돌았다. 스케이트 워크였다. 아마도 노력의 중요성을 가르치려했던 것 같았다.
그렇게 운동과 거리가 멀던 아버지가 은퇴 후 골프를 시작한 것은 혁명이었다. 역시 독학이었으나 골프는 그의 맘에 들었다. 스코어가 아니라 친구들과의 만남을 더욱 즐겼다.
어렸을 때 나는 아빠가 정말 강하고 현명하셔서 수퍼 히어로는 아니었지만 장래 정계로 나가면 훌륭한 총리 정도는 될 수 있다고 믿었다. 그러나 현실은 아빠를 편의점 주인으로 몰았다. 일찍 일어나 도매상에 가고 엄마를 대신해서 오전 내내 상점을 돌보았다. 나도 많이 도왔지만 아빠는 이 지루한 시간을 자신과 고객에게 즐거운 경험으로 제공했다.
단골 손님과 친구들에게 전화를 걸어 우리 상점에서는 어떤 상품이 다른 상점보다 100배나 비싸다고 농담했다. 예를 들어, 담배 중 플레이어 라이트 대형 팩은 3.25달러가 아니라 325달러라는 둥.
아버지의 진정한 열정은 저널리즘에 있었다. 뉴스, 특히 정치관계를 좋아했다.
한국에서 저널리스트로 날리던 때가 있었다. 그때문인지 마지막 눈감을 때까지도 TV뉴스를 시청했다. 그의 뉴스 경청방법은 엄숙하고 세밀했다. 유튜브Youtube에서 한국 뉴스를 클립하는 것이 일과였다. 끈기와 근면은 그의 특성이었다.
심지어 아버지는 내가 가장 애를 먹는 프랑스어 과목을 13학년까지 억지로라도 수강하게 함으로써 결과적으로 내 인생에 큰 도움을 주었다. 내가 가진 도전과 끈기는 아버지에게서 물려받았다.
9학년 중간고사 중 프랑스어에서 D를 받았을 때 성적표를 보이는 것이 무서웠다. 아빠한테서 심하게 꾸중 들을줄 알았다. 그런데 의외였다. 아버지는 내가 최선을 다했는지 물은 후 계속 노력하면 된다고 격려했다. 차라리 욕을 들었다면 마음이 덜 아팠을텐데 아버지의 충고는 나를 울렸다.
아버지는 사교적이고 성격이 관대했다. 친구들을 사랑해서 친구들과 같이 있을 때면 얼굴에 생기가 돌았다. 캐나다에 피붙이가 거의 없었기 때문인지 언제나 "형제"라고 부른 친구들이 아버지의 가족이었다. 친구들과 함께 맥도널드 햄버거에 가서 시니어 커피를 마시면서 리필refill하고 이야기를 나누면서 껄껄 웃는 시간을 소중히 여겼다. 햄버거샵에는 미안하지만 손님 20분 제한시간을 넘기기 일쑤였다.
아버지는 자기 자신에 대해서는 매우 검소했다. 1달러에 두 사이즈의 큰 바지를 사기 위해 굿윌(Good Will)이나 구세군(Salvation Army) 상점에서 열심히 찾아보는 것도 마다하지 않았다. 사치나 돈 버는데 머리를 쓰는 것을 경멸했다.
다소 무뚝뚝한 아빠는 낭만적이지 못했다. 우리 자식들은 종종 엄마에게 무슨 말을 어떻게 따듯하게 전해야 하는지를 아버지께 조언했다. 그렇지만 많은 한국 남편들처럼 십여년 간 병석의 엄마를 열심히 돌보는 것으로 사랑을 표현했다.
엄마가 사망하자 충격으로 식욕을 잃었다. 생애 마지막 몇 년 동안 체중이 무척 줄었다. 맛 뿐만 아니라 보기에도 좋다고 칭찬하던 생선요리도, 대구 수프나 고등어도 아버지의 입맛을 살리지 못했다.
대신 잠을 즐겼다. 꿈 속에서 엄마를 만나는지, 아니면 에너지가 딸려서였는지. 마음 아픈 실연이 의학적 증후군이라는 것을 최근에 알았다. 의사들은 그것이 아빠의 사망 원인이라고 진단했다. 사람들이 말하는 용감한 경상도 사나이는 부인을 잃은 슬픔에서 벗어나지 못했다. 어쩌면 벗어나기를 거부했는지도 모른다.
사랑해 아빠, 이제는 천국에서 엄마와 함께 생선을 마음껏 드시면서 편안하게 사십시오.
은하수 올림
My memories of Dad - January 15, 2025
"I'm proud of you. Be good." Those were the phrases that he would always write on our birthday and Christmas cards. In Eunah and Andrew's wedding speech, he added "Be a good citizen." Not too sentimental, but simple and straight to the point. Similar to every immigrant Korean father? Not so. He was so much more than that.
He was very affectionate and he showed it in words and actions. When my sisters and I were in grade school, I remember pouring over the oversized atlas of the world and the universe, we learned about the milky way. The magnitude, it just seemed so unfathomable. From then on, whenever we would say "I love you", we would ask each other, "how much?" and the response was "milky way". He would love to take naps on the couch and would use my sisters and I as his human pillows. I would like to say that he enveloped us in his arms but it was more like suffocation! But without a doubt in our minds, we knew we were loved.
When he was a kid, his father forbade him to bike or swim or do any "dangerous" activities. But, he was the one who bought me my hot pink bike and taught me how to ride it, even though he didn't know how himself. He took us to Nathan Phillips Square so that we could skate in the winter. Even though he couldn't skate, he rented a pair and just slowly skate-walked around the perimeter focusing hard not to fall while we whizzed by him. I'm so glad that he discovered golf later on in life. He may have been self taught, but he certainly loved that sport, especially the social aspect of it.
When I was young, I put my dad on a pedestal. I thought he was so strong and so smart. Even though he was in no way a super hero, I really believed that he could be a great prime minister. Instead, he was a convenience store owner who diligently woke up early to go wholesale shopping and then serve his customers from 7am till 11pm daily to provide for his family. It is boring work, I know, because I had to help out a lot, but he made it fun for himself and the customers. He would call the regulars, friends and would joke with them a lot by stating that something was 100 times the price. For example, a large pack of Players Light would be $325 rather than $3.25.
His true passion lay in journalism. He worked as a reporter and journalist in Korea and when he immigrated to Canada, he worked at Korea Times and MinJoong newspapers. He loved the news and politics and even to the end of his days, he would watch CP24 religiously and put his phone by his ear, listening to Youtube clips of current Korean news.
In everything he focused on, he did it with persistence and hard work - just like the characteristics of his zodiac sign of the horse. He even passed that quality to me by making me take French all the way through to grade 13 - even though that was my worst subject. I still remember my grade 9 midterm report card where I received a D in French. I was so scared to hand it over to him. I thought he was going to yell and scream at me. Instead, he asked me if I tried my best and I said that I did. He said that that was all he could ask for and he told me to keep trying. This made me cry harder and also made me work harder. The ending was not a Hallmark movie where I aced French and became a fluent bilingual, but this experience taught me resilience and to stick through with things, even if it was tough.
I also adopted my father's social and generous nature. He loved his friends. He came alive when he would spend time with them. He had little family here in Canada, so his friends became his family. He would call them "brother" whenever he met them or called them on the phone. Even to the end, he would look forward to his friends picking him up to go to McDonald's where they would buy a senior coffee to refill over and over again and just talk and laugh - way past the 20 minute time limit. As for his generosity, in true Korean fashion, he would fight over the bill at a restaurant by causing a scene that included raised voices along with a shoving match.
But, when it came to himself, he was so frugal. He would rather go to Good Will or Salvation Army to buy pants that were two sizes too big for $1. When he came to live with me two years ago, I threw out his favourite suits as they hung on him. I had to create extra holes on his belt to keep his pants up. He was so mad at me and wanted me to take him to the places I donated his clothes to so that he could buy them back. He complained about this for three days! That is, until I bought him his first brand new suit that fit him well. He wore it twice - once to my mom's funeral and now for his own.
My dad wasn't a romantic man and my sisters and I would often tell him what to say and do for our mom to demonstrate his love to her. I didn't know how much he loved my mom until the last few years of her life. He expressed it through the selfless and relentless care that he provided for her. When he had both of his knees replaced, he was required to stay at the rehabilitation hospital for 6 weeks, but he cut it short by 4 weeks because my mom couldn't handle the store on her own.
During the last few years of my mom's struggle with Alzheimer's, he took care of her to the point of exhaustion but he was truly happy when she was happy. He lost a shocking amount of weight in his last years because he lost interest in eating once my mom passed. Even his love of fish, which he described as beautiful rather than just delicious, he would not touch. When I put his favourite cod fish soup or pan fried mackerel in front of him, he lost interest. Instead he would sleep all the time. I didn't realize that heartbreak was a medical syndrome, but that is what he ultimately died from according to the doctors. He never got over the loss of my mother.
Dad, you were a good citizen. We are proud of you. You said you wanted to live until you were 100 years old, well, now you will be living in eternity with mom and God in heaven. Please enjoy a feast of beautiful fish.
Love you, Milky Way.
www.koreatimes.net/오피니언
캐나다 한국일보 편집팀 (public@koreatimes.net)
